Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have
24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE?
What's the very bad news?
Doctor: Well, I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

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Three stupid people were in a car on their way to Disneyland.
They saw a sign saying "Disneyland Left," so they all went home.

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The town where I grew up was very small. We only had one
McDonald's, one Pizza Hut, one KFC and five Starbucks.

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On a street corner in downtown Manhattan, an old woman had
a cardboard booth where she sold pretzels for 25 cents each.
Every day a well-dressed young man would hurry by and toss
a quarter into her cup without taking a pretzel. One day as
he rushed off yet again, the woman called out to him, "Just a
minute, young man!"

"I know, I know," he said. "You're wondering why it is I leave
a quarter every day but never take a pretzel."

"No," the woman answered, "I wanted to tell you the price has
gone up to fifty cents."